Birthdays have never been particularly reflective times for me…well except for the one a few years ago when from my perch on the seashore I watched God’s sun rise miraculously over God’s ocean – and marveled for the umpteenth time at the intricacies of God’s perfect creation.
Last night brought a new experience with which I’m not completely comfortable. In all my years, the ups, the downs, the ins, the outs, I’ve never felt compelled to ask God the “whys” of anything pertaining specifically to my life or existance. For me, as the addage goes, it’s just always been “what it is” – with the common exception of wonderment as I realize afresh that Christ in His perfection died for such an imperfect world.
As I looked into the mirror last night, however, and evaluated my place in my family as it deals with sickness and other exhaustive turmoil, this thought shot like a dart through my mind:
“Lord, why would you have a lady as beautiful…as sweet…as hard-working…as, just – good – as my Mom labor through a 36-hour breach birth just to deliver (gazing at my full-length reflection) this?“
Doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful that He did…or that I don’t believe He had a purpose for creating me. He always plans these things out. But at this immediate juncture in my life, I can’t come up with an answer to last night’s question and am finding myself a little unnerved even as I cling to John 9:1-3 and Philippians 4:13. I’m uncertain of the next step, if there is one.
Guess I’ll find out in His timing.